So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
