I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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