My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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