My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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