i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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