I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
