i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
