I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
