every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
