We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
