Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i would punch a child for taco bell
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He passed out mid-signature
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
