It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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