so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
