Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
