Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
