Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
