Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize