No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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