I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
