So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
