I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
