I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
