i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
