I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
