What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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