You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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