Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize