Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
