He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
