I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
