i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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