Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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