well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
