I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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