I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize