In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
