you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
