He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
