If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
