i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
