Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And then he peed in my hair
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