Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize