My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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