Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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