You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
