Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
