the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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