my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
