How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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