I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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