when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
