i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Holy shit dude........stairs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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