Don't EVER smell your tampon
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
