ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
