Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
