Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
