things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
