I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
