lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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