Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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