i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the condom got lost in my hair
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
