Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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