this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
