you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
