True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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