hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
