Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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