If i come over, it means nothing
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
