Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
