Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
