So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
