Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
