I skipped work to stalk him.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
