I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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